Randy Newman’s ‘Pants’

Randy Newman’s “Pants.”

What’s it about?

An adult figure in my life was plenty disgusted with Newman’s song. All they heard was a guy saying repeatedly, “I’m gonna take off my pants!”

If you use a bit of imagination, it’s pretty similar to the way Paul McCartney sings the title of “Why Don’t We Do It In the Road?” a dozen different ways.

Some hear salaciousness in Newman’s song. What I hear is helplessness. After telling us when he’s going to take off his pants (“right now”) and who can stop him from taking off his pants (no one, including the president), you’re led to expect some kind of dirty joke at the end.

Instead, he asks if you’ll take off his pants. He actually pleads.

It’s the perfect recognition of the braggart who, when push comes to shove, is as impotent as his words are empty.

I pointed this out to someone whose skeptical response was, “OK, Tim, that’s the way you hear it.”

Maybe it’s just about a guy who wants to take off his pants.


Nothing Bright about it

Who wins the title for best videos, post-Beatles career?

Bet you didn’t even know that was a category, did you?

In 1976, George Harrison was running at a weak No. 4 in the Tim’s Favorite ex-Beatle Derby. I found “Living in the Material World” boring, especially the second side. “You” was my favorite Harrison song, until a few years later when “Blow Away” came out. But the “Extra Texture” album made me slide George into the group whose albums were not purchased unless I heard at least one more song that I really liked.

And in early 1976, Harrison had been found guilty of “subconscious plagiarism” in a case that (correctly) pointed out the similarities between “He’s So Fine” and “My Sweet Lord.”

Again, as I look back now, I have no idea why it meant so much to me at the time, but I was appalled to think that Harrison stole his best-know song from an OLDIES act.
But it meant something. I was still rooting for George, but he was making it difficult.

On Nov. 20 of that year, Harrison was a guest on “Saturday Night Live.” The show aired a couple of pre-produced Harrison film clips: “Crackerbox Palace” and “This Song.”
“Crackerbox Palace” was OK, but bothered me. It seemed Harrison had fallen into this odd trap of songs that were always too slow. The tempos made even bright songs into dirges. And that was the trouble with the previous album. Even “You” sounds like the only reason it’s moving forward as well as it does is because the drummer is forcing everyone else to keep up.

What happened to the guy who turned in the upbeat songs on “Let It Be”? The guy who woke us up with “For You Blue” after “The Long and Winding Road put us to sleep? The guy who wrote “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” and “I Want To Tell You” (the song that, along with “Got To Get You Into My Life,” makes me wonder what “Revolver” would have sounded like if they’d recorded it in Memphis)?

And then later in that “Saturday Night Live” episode, George Harrison earned his lifetime artistic pass with me.

That opening riff — really kind of a soul riff, although I couldn’t have realized it then and can just barely describe its feel even now — made me sit up straight.

I’m almost certain that by this time, I associated that Tom Scott saxophone with that really slick sound I heard on all the “California” records of the time. But their presence here would essentially mock it.

(Does anybody know what I mean when I say “California” records? It’s that stuff that’s tight and professional and a little sterile and a little too precise. “This Song” is, first of all, “Crackerbox Palace” with some “California” shoved straight into the heart of it, to the betterment of the tune.)

And it doesn’t take long getting into the video before you realize this is going to be a middle finger to everything about the plagiarism case. Harrison’s ability to so quickly format such a fantastic response is truly a supreme artistic accomplishment.

Just the way Harrison walks into court is funny. His hair was flying just the right amount of 70s modicum, and he was still impossibly thin.

Then comes the staging of the video, a courtroom scene with some clever jokes, some visual similarities to Monty Python, a hipper concept for video promotional and, along with everything else, a top-notch song.

It was a song whose best joke is so fantastic I can never repeat it. I try to match the rhythm and cadence of Monty Python’s Eric Idle, but I can’t come closer. All that means, though, is I’m always hearing the falsetto “Could be ‘Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch’ – No, sounds more like ‘Rescue Me’!” for the first time. (You can hear it at 1:32 in the video. The second “woman” in the video is Ron Wood.)

It’s even taken me this long to realize there are two versions of this, although I knew it. It one of those cases where I have two different versions of a song in my head, and it takes me a while to realize why. There are duplicate versions in my head of a number of songs, including Three Dog Night’s “Joy To the World,” Johnny Rivers’ “Rockin’ Pneumonia,” Steely Dan’s “Reeling in the Years” and Jethro Tull’s “Locomotive Breath.” The latter two are quadrophonic mixes that ended up in my head somehow, and the first two are differences between the 45 version and the album version. Why it’s so hard for me to simply register that the 45 version of “This Song” just has that little bit snipped out. Maybe because even then I thought, “They can’t possibly be editing an ex-Beatle’s song to fit radio formatting, can they?”

With “This Song,” there’s the 3:45 version as featured in the video (which was also the 45, which was also the version with which I was most familiar), and a 4:14 album version. The cut is at 3:15. With the video and 45, a tasty guitar solo and some scatting from Harrison are excised. Too bad. They’re the pieces that push the song from great to overwhelming.

Like I said, at this point, it became my favorite Harrison song.

Until this one came along.



Ranking The Beatles

In a project I always wanted to do, I ranked The Beatles’ songs in reverse order, 1 through 218. I published this in 2017.

I compiled a list of songs I consider canon. I ignored the live tracks, from the Hollywood Bowl album to the BBC stuff. I did include a handful of the “Anthology” tracks, but only the “new” ones.

The albums listed here are the ones through which I first knew the songs. “Hey Jude” remains a critical album in my Beatles fan development.

At the bottom, I’ve included how I’ve ranked the tracks listed by album of release. I just thought it would be fun to see how that came out.

Ranking The Beatles: No.  218. Dizzy Miss Lizzy (“Help!” [UK], “Beatles VI”)
I’d feel badly about any song I put at the bottom of this list. What makes it easiest is this is clearly my least-favorite Beatles song.

217. Long Tall Sally (“Long Tall Sally” EP, “The Beatles Second Album”)
I just like Paul McCartney better when he’s doing his Little Richard on songs he wrote.

216. Words Of Love (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles VI”)
Ringo plays a suitcase on this version.

215. Every Little Thing (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles VI”)
Clearly, I’m not a big fan of “Beatles VI.”

214. Till There Was You (“With The Beatles,” “Meet The Beatles”)
Because of the way he sings “myooooo-sic” on this song, Creem magazine gave Paul McCartney the Wimp Rock Lifetime Achievement award. (Or something similarly insulting.)

213. Mr. Moonlight (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles ’65”)
What does it say when my favorite recording of this is the Star Club bootleg?

212. Flying (“Magical Mystery Tour”)
I often hear claims that this is the most-played Beatles song because it’s used as a time-filler bump leading into other radio program. The only time I’ve heard it on the radio was when I’ve played it.

211. A Taste of Honey (“Please Please Me,” “Introducing The Beatles”)
I can’t imagine what this sounded like when they were punks in Germany playing it.

210. Kansas City – Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles VI”)
For me, this song has always suffered from being too slow.

209. Everybody’s Trying To Be My Baby (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles ’65”)
Funny lyrics. My parents were always amused when they heard me singing it.

208. Bad Boy (“A Collection Of Beatles Oldies,” “Beatles ’65”)
John Lennon was really much tougher than this song, which says a lot.

207. Magical Mystery Tour (“Magical Mystery Tour”)
I always thought it sounded like a commercial, which is probably how Paul McCartney intended it.

206. The Fool On The Hill (“Magical Mystery Tour”)
Ray Thomas and Mike Pinder of The Moody Blues are playing harmonica.

205. The Long And Winding Road (“Let It Be”)
Paul McCartney never thought so, but the string arrangement on this song gives it needed gravitas.

204. Rock And Roll Music (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles ’65”)
They were just working too hard to write the songs demanded of them.

203. And I Love Her (“A Hard Day’s Night”)
They only played this live once, on a BBC radio show.

202. What Goes On (“Rubber Soul” [UK], “’Yesterday’ … and Today”)
Hearing the instrumental track isolated on one channel of Capitol Records’ awful stereo mixes was an eye-opener. And not necessarily in a good way.

201. It’s All Too Much (“Yellow Submarine”)
Writer George Harrison complained in retrospect about the horns. He should have complained about the on-and-on ending as well.

200. You Won’t See Me (“Rubber Soul”)
John Lennon called Anne Murray’s version of this his favorite Beatle cover.

199. Roll Over Beethoven (“With The Beatles,” “The Beatles Second Album”)
In the 1970s, marking some sort of anniversary, “American Bandstand” played a mashup of the Chuck Berry, Beatles and Electric Light Orchestra versions of the song. A friend said The Beatles’ version was the weakest. Sadly, I agreed with him.

198. Matchbox (“Long Tall Sally” EP, “Something New”)
This was the only U.S. single released off the “Something New” album.

197. Wild Honey Pie (“The Beatles”)
It honestly pains me that I consider this the weakest track on “The White Album.” That’s how much I love that record.

196. Komm, Gib Mir Deine Hand (“Something New”)
It sounds like not even they are impressed with the idea of singing in German. Crazy handclap overdubs, though.

195. Act Naturally (“Help!” [UK], “Yesterday and Today”)
Maybe the only Beatles cover where I prefer the original version (by Buck Owens).

194. Tell Me What You See (“Help!” [UK], “Beatles VI”)
This may be the blandest song The Beatles recorded. And I still love it.

193. You Like Me Too Much (“Help!” [UK], “Beatles VI”)
Nice harmonies by George Harrison on his own song.

192. What You’re Doing (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles ‘VI”)
Paul McCartney said it was a better recording than song. But it’s a fine song.

191. I’ll Cry Instead (45 [UK], “Something New”)
John Lennon’s favorite part was the middle eight. On that we agree.

190. All I’ve Got To Do (“With The Beatles,” “Meet The Beatles”)
John Lennon’s solid attempt at emulating Smokey Robinson.

189. Boys (“Please Please Me,” “Introducing The Beatles”)
Ringo Starr’s enthusiasm for the song during live performances makes up for a lot of shortcomings.

188. Let It Be (“Let It Be”)
I don’t rank them separately here, but I prefer the album version with the guitar solo to the 45 version with the keyboard solo.

187. Ask Me Why (“Please Please Me,” “Introducing The Beatles”)
It’s to their credit that I sometimes think this is a Bacharach-David song (like yet-to-come “Baby It’s You”).

186. Good Night (“The White Album”)
It really shouldn’t and couldn’t be different. But Ringo’s singing combined with the syrupy strings make me feel like a different arrangement would have been beneficial.

185. I Wanna Be Your Man (“With The Beatles,” “Meet The Beatles”)
I knew the song before I saw “A Hard Day’s Night.” The film’s dance sequence featuring it makes the song wildly more exciting.

184. Dig It (“Let It Be”)
The full-length versions unearthed by bootleggers interest me more. But I wouldn’t think of forcing them on a non-fan.

183. Don’t Bother Me (“With The Beatles,” “Meet The Beatles”)
I had little idea what George Harrison was singing on this one.

182. Only A Northern Song (“Yellow Submarine”)
Whether intentional or comical, it’s a slap at the manner in which the band was expected to churn its art.

181. Blue Jay Way (“Magical Mystery Tour”)
It’s those endless codas in George Harrison’s weaker songs that get on my nerves.

180. She Came In Through The Bathroom Window (“Abbey Road”)
The backing vocals are especially crystalline. They sound like they’re trying, which lifts a throwaway type of tune.

179. If I Needed Someone (“Rubber Soul” [UK], “Yesterday and Today”)
The Hollies had a minor hit with their version of the song, which was disliked by both George Harrison and John Lennon.

178. Think For Yourself (“Rubber Soul”)
There’s a bootleg recording in circulation of them working out the harmonies for this song. It’s fascinating.

177. Wait (“Rubber Soul”)
Originally intended and recorded for “Help!” They added overdubs to make it sound more current.

176. Devil In Her Heart (“With The Beatles,” “The Beatles Second Album”)
All my thoughts about this song are intertwined with an episode of the Beatles cartoon show. They are good thoughts.

175. Honey Don’t (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles ’65”)
Yet another song that relies almost completely on Ringo Starr’s charisma.

174. If I Fell (“A Hard Day’s Night” [UK], “Something New”)
This song makes so much more sense in its British album setting than it does on the U.S. version.

173. Things We Said Today (“A Hard Day’s Night” [UK], “Something New”)
There’s something about this song that always makes me think Paul McCartney must have lost his place when singing the bridge (“Me, I’m just a lucky guy …”)

172. Hold Me Tight (“With The Beatles,” “Meet The Beatles”)
This song would rank considerably higher, but the bridge brings it to a complete halt for me.

171. Little Child (“With The Beatles,” “Meet The Beatles”)
The piano and harmonica make this sound completely different from other early Beatles songs.

170. From Me To You (“1962-1966”)
I didn’t realize until now that this was only released as a 45 in this country until after their breakup.

169. Misery (“Please Please Me,” “Introducing The Beatles”)
George Martin recorded the piano at half-speed and a lower octave.

168. Do You Want To Know A Secret (“Please Please Me,” “Introducing The Beatles”)
It’s such an odd song. Written by John Lennon, sung by George Harrison. It’s really unlike anything else they did.

167. Christmas Time (Is Here Again) (“Free As a Bird” CD single)
A longer version of the song circulated for years. Members of The Beatles Fan Club received a 6-minute version of it on a 45.

166. Get Back (“Let It Be”)
When listening to the album or watching the film, I keep waiting for the coda (“with her high-heeled boots …”)

165. In My Life (“Rubber Soul”)
The next four songs are almost the same song to me. Admirable, but I don’t appreciate it as much as others.

164. Michelle (“Rubber Soul”)
It has a melodic bass solo that’s delightful. It also has Paul McCartney singing in French.

163. Yesterday (“Help!” [UK], “Yesterday and Today”)
The string arrangement is incredibly beautiful.

162. Girl (“Rubber Soul”)
The backing vocals raise this above other ballads from the era for me.

161. If You’ve Got Trouble (“Anthology 2”)
Ringo Starr’s cry of “rock on, anybody!” is all the comment the song needs.

160. Yellow Submarine (“Revolver”)
I always loved Bill Hicks’ vision of the recording of this.

159. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
Yes, I think it’s the weakest song on ‘Sgt. Pepper.’ So what?

158. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
Yes, I think it’s the second-weakest song on ‘Sgt. Pepper.’ So what?

157. I’m A Loser (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles ’65”)
The first time they used a 12-string guitar on a recording.

156. Octopus’s Garden (“Abbey Road”)
The bubbly backing vocals are pretty irresistible.

155. Mean Mr Mustard (“Abbey Road”)
The recorded version is a fair step up from the demo.

154. Doctor Robert (“Revolver” [UK], “Yesterday and Today”)
I really like the bridge (“Well, well, well, you’re feeling fine …”) on this song quite a lot.

153. Chains (“Please Please Me,” “Introducing The Beatles”)
I’m thankful for this pointing me to the original. I still enjoy the Fabs’ version more.

152. I’ll Follow The Sun (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles ’65”)
Believed to be written pre-Beatles, which makes sense. This sounds like a folk trio song.

151. Sie Liebt Dich (“Something New”)
The reason this is higher on the list than “Komm, Gib Mir Deine Hand” (No. 195) is how much more I love the original song.

150. Maxwell’s Silver Hammer (“Abbey Road”)
I share the frustration John Lennon had with this song. Paul McCartney was trying too hard.

149. The Word (“Rubber Soul”)
I’ve always been surprised that the simple profoundity of this song didn’t touch as many people as it touched me.

148. Not A Second Time (“With The Beatles,” “Meet The Beatles”)
That piano always made this song sound like nothing else they did.

147. Sun King (“Abbey Road”)
I thought the language was real. Sounded real enough to me.

146. With A Little Help From My Friends (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
Was Ringo ever handed a song more perfect for him?

145. I Want To Hold Your Hand (45 only [UK], “Meet The Beatles”)
It even opened Bob Dylan’s eyes.

144. Long, Long, Long (“The White Album”)
The song has grown on me. It used to seem like such a comedown from “Helter Skelter.”

143. She’s Leaving Home (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
That harp sure is beautiful, isn’t it?

142. I Need You (“Help!”)
John Lennon worked by hand the volume control on George Harrison’s guitar when they recorded this.

141. Ticket To Ride (“Help!”)
Can drums be a lead instrument? They sound like it here.

140. Anna (Go To Him) (“Please Please Me,” “Introducing The Beatles”)
John Lennon’s vocal defines the phrase “achingly beautiful.”

139. Maggie Mae (“Let It Be”)
It was just so unexpected. It doesn’t run long enough for me to do anything but smile about it.

138. Run For Your Life (“Rubber Soul”)
Used to great effect in the cartoon series.

137. Love Me Do (“Please Please Me,” “Introducing The Beatles”)
OK, so this is where it all started. I’m ranking them all here – I don’t care on which versions Ringo Starr did or did not play.

136. Any Time At All (“A Hard Day’s Night” [UK], “Something New”)
Released before it was really done because of deadlines. The bridge was supposed have lyrics.

135. I’m Only Sleeping (“Revolver” [UK], “Yesterday and Today”)
Featuring a backward guitar solo, and covers one of John Lennon’s favorite topics: his level of fatigue.

134. Don’t Pass Me By (“The White Album”)
I’ve been developing a theory that the degree to which I like a Beatles album is someone linked to the album’s Ringo track. This is the top Ringo song on this list.

133. When I’m Sixty-Four (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
Listen to the music track isolated, and be amazed at how much area their vocals fill when they’re added.

132. Polythene Pam (“Abbey Road”)
I might have this so high because of the return of “yeah yeah yeah.”

131. Her Majesty (“Abbey Road”)
Knowing it was sliced out of the middle of the medley and tacked on the end sounds is a perfect unintended accident that turns brilliant.

130. She’s A Woman (45, “Beatles ’65”)
It was almost 15 years before this found its way to an album in the United Kingdom.

129. I’ll Be Back (“A Hard Day’s Night” [UK], “Beatles ’65”)
This song has no chorus and two bridges, which is fine, because their bridges in this era were unparalleled.

128. When I Get Home (“A Hard Day’s Night” [UK], “Something New”)
The one Beatles song for which it acceptable to beg for more cowbell.

127. All My Loving (“With The Beatles,” “Meet The Beatles”)
It seems like Paul McCartney has been releasing a song at least this great on an average of at least once a year for the last 50 years.

126. The Inner Light (45 only)
The first George Harrison song released on a single. (It was the B-side to “Lady Madonna.”)

125. Paperback Writer (“A Collection Of Beatles Oldies,” “Hey Jude”)
Oddly, I might think more of this song had it made its way to the “Revolver” album. It belongs there.

124. I Feel Fine (“A Collection Of Beatles Oldies,” “Beatles ’65”)
Hearing outtakes of attempts to get the feedback opening right is entertaining.

123. I Call Your Name (“Long Tall Sally” EP, “The Beatles Second Album”)
The first time the world heard George Harrison’s Rickenbacker guitar on record.

122. Baby It’s You (“Please Please Me,” “Introducing The Beatles”)
There are only three more cover versions left on this list.

121. I’ve Got A Feeling (“Let It Be’)
Fantastic how John Lennon and Paul McCartney were able to create a song from two fragments they had.

120. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da (“The White Album”)
One of those Paul McCartney songs you end up loving even if you don’t want to.

119. Thank You Girl (45 [UK], “The Beatles’ Second Album”)
Another great example of them being so prolific, they could record a song like this and set it aside when they wrote something better.

118. Baby You’re A Rich Man (“Magical Mystery Tour”)
I’ve always loved the line “Tuned to a natural ‘E, happy to be that way.”

117. Revolution #9 (“The White Album”)
I understand almost everyone reading this would put this song at the bottom of a Beatles list, if they even considered it a “song.” I suspect I’ve listened to this more times than every person who will ever read this.

116. There’s A Place (“Please Please Me,” 45 [US])
They lifted the start of the song from “Somewhere” on “West Side Story.”

115. Slow Down (“Long Tall Sally” EP, “Something New”)
As is the case with “Roll Over Beethoven,” I prefer the original (Larry Williams) and a later cover version (The Jam).

114. One After 909 (“Let It Be”)
I always enjoyed Spinal Tap doing its goof on this with “All the Way Home.”

113. Across The Universe (“Let It Be”)
I regard both versions – the one with the strings and the less-lavish version – on the same level.

112. Rocky Raccoon (“The White Album”)
I was always was thrown when Paul McCartney sang about the “Black Mountain Hills” being in “Dakota.”

111. Martha My Dear (“The White Album”)
I love when Paul McCartney drops that 6/8 measure in the solo.

110. I Don’t Want To Spoil The Party (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles VI”)
I remember thinking at the time, “They repeat stuff a lot.” Now I realize if it’s good, you want to hear it again and again.

109. Nowhere Man (“Rubber Soul” [UK], “Yesterday and Today”)
What an incredibly beautifully depressing song. And how differently would Americans at the time have regarded “Rubber Soul” had this been there, where it belongs.

108. Tell Me Why (“A Hard Day’s Night” [UK], “Something New”)
The first Beatles song with a falsetto line I couldn’t understand. (“Is there anything I can do?”)

107. Free As A Bird (“Anthology 1”)
I was disappointed in this when it was released, and convinced myself it wasn’t really The Beatles. It grew on me because of how much I liked the subsequent (and upcoming on this list) “Real Love.”

106. I’m Happy Just To Dance With You (“A Hard Day’s Night” [UK], “Something New”)
I put this and “I Don’t Want to Spoil the Party” beside each other when I ponder Beatles songs.

105. No Reply (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles ’65”)
This is a nice complete story in lyrics.

104. It Won’t Be Long (“With The Beatles,” “Meet The Beatles”)
The famous “aeolian cadence” song. Don’t look it up. Your head will hurt.

103. Mother Nature’s Son (“The White Album”)
Ask anyone. Even playing the chords of this on an acoustic guitar is a blast.

102. Piggies (“The White Album”)
Someone in my high school submitted these lyrics in a poetry class, and got a B.

101. I’m Looking Through You (“Rubber Soul”)
They sound like they’re having crazy fun playing this.

100. Because (“Abbey Road”)
Hearing the vocals-only version of this on “Love” is astonishing.

99. Why Don’t We Do It In the Road (“The White Album”)
The “Anthology 3” version is even crazier.

98. Another Girl (“Help!”)
The accompanying romp in the film is delightful as well.

97. Yes It Is (45 [UK], “Beatles VI”)
It took me years to understand what was going on with the guitar sound.

96. Fixing A Hole (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
I thought, “This can’t possibly be a Beatles track …”

95. Eleanor Rigby  (“Revolver”)
Yes, this strikes me as superior to “Yesterday.” It makes a string quartet rock.

94. Honey Pie (“The White Album”)
I understand people who criticize this as another example of Paul McCartney at his wimpiest. I have always and still do appreciate his forays into the older styles.

93. Money (That’s What I Want) (“With The Beatles,” “The Beatles’ Second Album”)
I love the urgency in John Lennon’s voice.

92. Within You Without You (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
When you’re able to crack the song, you realize it’s an ideal blend of Western and Eastern influences.

91. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise) (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
A fascinatingly chaotic track.

90. The Night Before (“Help!”)
Paul McCartney’s songs on the UK version of this album show how much he’s coming into his own.

89. P.S. I Love You (“Please Please Me” [UK], “Introducing The Beatles”)
Even at the very beginning, they were doing distinctive things.

88. The Continuing Story Of Bungalow Bill (“The White Album”)
I honestly love every note Yoko Ono sings on this song.

87. Oh! Darling (“Abbey Road”)
John Lennon always insisted he should have sung this song. John Lennon might have been wrong.

86. Love You To (“Revolver”)
“Revolver” had a number of musical variations to which they never returned.

85. Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown) (“Rubber Soul”)
George Harrison’s sitar is at its most magical when it’s such a part of the song’s flow, you barely notice its existence.

84. Carry That Weight (“Abbey Road”)
It’s majestic. You don’t need to say much more.

83. I’m So Tired (“The White Album”)
I always found it a superior companion piece to “I’m Only Sleeping.” (No. 134)

82. Taxman (“Revolver”)
Paul McCartney plays that raucous guitar solo. What fun.

81. All Together Now (“Yellow Submarine”)
Even if all Paul McCartney had done was write simple little songs like this, I’d still admire and appreciate his work.

80. You Never Give Me Your Money (“Abbey Road”)
Paul McCartney wrote a bunch of these types of things, songs that feel like two or three pieces knitted together. His enthusiasm and the backing vocals sell it.

79. I’ll Get You (45 [UK], “The Beatles’ Second Album”)
When John Lennon and Paul McCartney sing harmonies like they do on the bridge here, I can (and do) listen repeatedly.

78. Blackbird (“The White Album”)
There are tapes of Paul McCartney playing this for Donovan, which are fascinating.

77. Golden Slumbers (“Abbey Road”)
Paul McCartney lifted the lyrics from a hymnal, and wrote appropriately hymn-like music.

76. She Said She Said (“Revolver”)
John Lennon said it best: “Great guitars.” Interestingly, it appears Paul McCartney did not play on this track.

75. Getting Better (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
Paul McCartney always credited John Lennon with the “it can’t get no worse” response. I always have found that bit mildly annoying.

74. Please Mister Postman (“With The Beatles,” “The Beatles Second Album”)
Why did it sound so great when John Lennon sang “D-liver d-letter, d-sooner d-better” and so stupid when Karen Carpenter did?

73. You Can’t Do That (“A Hard Day’s Night” [UK], “The Beatles Second Album”)
John Lennon at the time may have been the king of writing bridges (“don’t you know I can’t take it …”).

72. What’s The New Mary Jane (“Anthology 3”)
Those who complained about how high I placed “Revolution #9” (No. 116) will also be appalled at how highly I’ve placed this bit of inspired nonsense, which I loved from the second I heard a bootleg in the late 1970s.

71. Your Mother Should Know (“Magical Mystery Tour”)
I’ve never grown weary of Paul McCartney’s nods to early 20th century musical styles.

70. A Hard Day’s Night (“A Hard Day’s Night”)
I love that to this day, people argue about the opening chord.

69. Dig A Pony (“Let It Be”)
John Lennon’s nonsense lyrics always appeal to me. In the “Let It Be” film, a production runner knelt and held a clipboard with the song’s lyrics in front of Lennon.

68. Baby’s In Black (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles ’65”)
Those who make comparisons to this and the Everly Brothers are right on track.

67. Please Please Me (“Please Please Me,” “Introducing The Beatles”)
Their simple wordplay in their early days amused them. I still find it quite clever.

66. Eight Days A Week (“Beatles For Sale,” “Beatles VI”)
The alternate version of this on “Anthology” shows the quality of the song emerges in whatever arrangement.

65. Real Love (“Anthology 2”)
This struck me as much closer to The Beatles’ spirit than did “Free as a Bird.”

64. Savoy Truffle (“The White Album”)
I’m sure not ashamed to admit that at 13 or so and hearing this song for this first time, I had no idea what George Harrison was singing about. Stax-y horns.

63. Penny Lane (“Magical Mystery Tour”)
I’m glad they finally released the version with the piccolo trumpet flourish, because I’d been supplying that in my head for years.

62. Everybody’s Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Monkey (“The White Album”)
I’ve always loved John Lennon’s story about watching Paul McCartney wearing himself out recording the fireman’s bell on this track.

61. You Really Got A Hold On Me  (“With The Beatles,” “The Beatles Second Album”)
One of the few times anyone’s improved on Smokey Robinson.

60. Hey Bulldog (“Yellow Submarine”)
The animation of this that was deleted from the film is great.

59. Birthday (“The White Album”)
As annoying as the song can be, their undeniable enthusiasm trumps any irritation factor.

58. Two Of Us (“Let It Be”)
I want so much for this to be a love song John Lennon and Paul McCartney wrote to one another.

57. It’s Only Love (“Help!” [UK], “Rubber Soul” [US])
John Lennon called this one of his worst songs. Another thing on which we disagree.

56. Glass Onion (“The White Album”)
No, I never knew what a “dovetail joint” was before this song.

55. Sexy Sadie (“The White Album”)
I still can’t help singing “Maharishi” every time the title comes up in the song.

54. Twist and Shout (“Please Please Me,” “Introducing The Beatles”)
My favorite version of this song.

53. I Will (“The White Album”)
Paul McCartney’s greatness in part lies with his ability to craft beautiful songs like this one.

52. Good Morning, Good Morning (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
It took me a long time to understand how a guitar could turn into a chicken, or a chicken to a guitar, or whatever it is.

51. Drive My Car (“Rubber Soul” [UK], “’Yesterday’ … and Today”)
“Beep-beep -n- beep-beep, yeah,” is incredibly simplistic but too much fun.

50. Something (“Abbey Road”)
I cannot imagine a world in which this did not exist, even though I lived in that world.

49. You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away (“Help!”)
A swell Bob Dylan copy and tribute.

48. All You Need Is Love (“Magical Mystery Tour”)
Who starts a song with the beginning of the French national anthem, then goes into an offbeat time signature?

47. Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
That wash of sounds at the end may be the most psychedelic thing they recorded. It’s wonderful.

46. The End (“Abbey Road”)
Understanding which Beatle is playing which guitar solo is key to understanding what each of them brought to the group.

45. For No One (“Revolver”)
How immortal is the opening “The day breaks, your mind aches”?

44. I Saw Her Standing There (“Please Please Me,” “Introducing The Beatles”)
It’s easy to forget this was the B-side of their breakthrough song, it’s developed such a reputation on its own.

43. You Know My Name (Look Up The Number) (45)
If you want to know what an inside joke between John Lennon and Paul McCartney sounded like, this is it. Its entertainment value puts it this high.

42. Hello Goodbye (“Magical Mystery Tour”)
I’m pleased I like this song now as much as I did when I was 7 and heard it for the first time.

41. This Boy (45 [UK], “Meet The Beatles”)
Breathtaking moment: When all the sound stops after they sing the bridge in that magnificent three-part harmony.

40. Lovely Rita (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
It’s a pretty jaunty song given how suggestive it is.

39. I Me Mine (“Let It Be”)
One of the few things made better by Phil Spector messing with the “Let It Be’ tapes.

38. I Should Have Known Better (“A Hard Day’s Night” [UK], “Hey Jude”)
Another John Lennon song I like quite a lot more than he does.

37. Here Comes The Sun (“Abbey Road”)
Of all their instrumentation, the opening of this may be their most beautiful.

36. Got To Get You Into My Life (“Revolver”)
When you hear this song, you realize why they pondered recording at Stax Studio.

35. Good Day Sunshine (“Revolver”)
It’s a song that launched an entire subgenre, sunshine pop.

34. For You Blue (“Let It Be”)
Even at the end, when they all disliked each other, you can hear George Harrison’s love for John Lennon in his encouragements.

33. Rain (45, “Hey Jude”)
Probably my favorite use of backward tape in all recorded music.

32. Yer Blues (“The White Album”)
There are bands who would have built an entire album or even a career out of a song like this.

31. I Am The Walrus (“Magical Mystery Tour”)
John Lennon brings John Cage concepts to the masses with his own version of “Radio Play.”

30. Don’t Let Me Down (“Let It Be”)
The song is all about the title phrase. Listen to the pleading with which John Lennon sings it.

29. While My Guitar Gently Weeps (“The White Album”)
Time may have erased its the surprise of its stunning appearance, but it’s also enhanced the reputation of the song.

28. Day Tripper (45 [UK], “’Yesterday’ … and Today”)
What a riff.

27. Julia (“The White Album”)
If all Donovan had ever done was teach this style of guitar playing to The Beatles, that would have been enough of a musical contribution.

26. Here, There, And Everywhere (“Revolver”)
A prime example of Paul McCartney hitting the tone perfectly.

25. I’m Down (45)
Paul McCartney finally was able to distill Little Richard’s career down to this song.

24. I Want To Tell You (“Revolver”)
1966 was Ringo Starr’s greatest year as a drummer.

23. You’re Going To Lose That Girl (“Help!”)
Another song which they could have replicated a dozen times and made me happy.

22. Tomorrow Never Knows (“Revolver”)
One chord, a vocal sound unlike anything else they did, and enough sonic experiments to keep a scholar occupied for years.

21. And Your Bird Can Sing (“’Yesterday’ … and Today”)
I’ve spent far more time than I should have trying to interpret these lyrics.

20. A Day In The Life (“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)
It still sounds wholly unlike anything anyone else has done. Ever.

19. I’ve Just Seen A Face (“Help!” [UK], “Rubber Soul” [US])
Paul McCartney sounds as though he’s having absolutely too much fun.

18. Cry Baby Cry (“The White Album”)
John Lennon is the master of making dissonance sound tuneful.

17. Old Brown Shoe (45 [UK], “Hey Jude”)
The top George Harrison song on the list. Which seems about right to me.

16. Come Together (“Abbey Road”)
What a fantastic arrangement. And it sounds almost unadorned compared with the rest of the album.

15. Happiness Is A Warm Gun (“The White Album”)
In my youth, I found this the most daring song on the album.

14. Back In The USSR (“The White Album”)
You’ve got to tip your hat to anyone who can pay tribute to The Beach Boys so wonderfully.

13. The Ballad Of John And Yoko (45 [UK], “Hey Jude”)
It’s just John Lennon (vocals, guitars) and Paul McCartney (drums, bass, harmonies), but it sure sounds like The Beatles to me.

12. Revolution (LP) (“The White Album”)
That opening riff is enough to prove they still had rock and roll mettle to the end.

11. We Can Work It Out (45 [UK], “’Yesterday’ … and Today”)
They never did better in joining song fragments.

10. Lady Madonna (45, “Hey Jude”)
Like so much of what they were recording at this time period, this seems to live it its own universe.

9. I Want You (She’s So Heavy) (“Abbey Road”)
It features 14 words. That’s minimalism. Did they bring trance music to the mainstream with this?

8. Help! (“Help!)
The song and the album marked John Lennon’s stretching out as a lyricist.

7. Can’t Buy Me Love (45, “Hey Jude”)
The proof that they weren’t a flash in the pan. With all the pressure in the world on them, they produce another No. 1 single

6. She Loves You (“The Beatles Second Album”)
“Yeah yeah yeah yeah” is really more profound than anyone wants to give it credit for being.

5. Revolution (45, “Hey Jude”)
Including this song, four of my five favorite Beatles songs were recorded in 1968.

4. Dear Prudence (“The White Album”)
Sometimes John Lennon’s lyrics are beautifully complex in their simplicity: “The sun is up, the sky is blue, it’s beautiful, and so are you.”

3. Helter Skelter (“The White Album”)
My favorite song for years. A superb collection of angry noise.

2. Strawberry Fields Forever (“Magical Mystery Tour”)
The lyrics always made sense to me. Which explains a lot about a lot.

1. Hey Jude (45, “Hey Jude”)
Ultimately, nothing but this can sit at the top. My favorite song ever.

Introducing The Beatles (1964)
44. I Saw Her Standing There
54. Twist and Shout
67. Please Please Me
89. P.S. I Love You
122. Baby It’s You
137. Love Me Do
140. Anna (Go To Him)
153. Chains
168. Do You Want To Know A Secret
169. Misery
187. Ask Me Why
189. Boys
211. A Taste of Honey

Meet The Beatles (1964)
41. This Boy
104. It Won’t Be Long
127. All My Loving
145. I Want To Hold Your Hand
148. Not A Second Time
171. Little Child
172. Hold Me Tight
183. Don’t Bother Me
185. I Wanna Be Your Man
190. All I’ve Got To Do
214. Till There Was You

Second Album (1964)
6. She Loves You
61. You Really Got A Hold On Me
73. You Can’t Do That
74. Please Mister Postman
79. I’ll Get You
93. Money (That’s What I Want)
119. Thank You Girl
123. I Call Your Name
176. Devil In Her Heart
199. Roll Over Beethoven
217. Long Tall Sally

A Hard Day’s Night (1964)
38. I Should Have Known Better
70. A Hard Day’s Night
203. And I Love Her

Something New (1964)
106. I’m Happy Just To Dance With You
108. Tell Me Why
115. Slow Down
128. When I Get Home
136. Any Time At All
151. Sie Liebt Dich
173. Things We Said Today
174. If I Fell
191. I’ll Cry Instead
196. Komm, Gib Mir Deine Hand
198. Matchbox

Beatles ’65 (1964)
68. Baby’s In Black
105. No Reply
124. I Feel Fine
129. I’ll Be Back
130. She’s A Woman
152. I’ll Follow The Sun
157. I’m A Loser
175. Honey Don’t
204. Rock And Roll Music
208. Bad Boy
209. Everybody’s Trying To Be My Baby
213. Mr. Moonlight

Beatles VI (1965)
66. Eight Days A Week
97. Yes It Is
110. I Don’t Want To Spoil The Party
192. What You’re Doing
193. You Like Me Too Much
194. Tell Me What You See
218. Dizzy Miss Lizzy
210. Kansas City – Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey
215. Every Little Thing
216. Words Of Love
218. Dizzy Miss Lizzy

Help! (1965)
8. Help!
23. You’re Going To Lose That Girl
49. You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away
90. The Night Before
98. Another Girl
141. Ticket To Ride
142. I Need You

Rubber Soul (1965)
19. I’ve Just Seen A Face
57. It’s Only Love
85. Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)
101. I’m Looking Through You
109. Nowhere Man
138. Run For Your Life
149. The Word
162. Girl
164. Michelle
165. In My Life
177. Wait
178. Think For Yourself
200. You Won’t See Me

“Yesterday” … and Today (1966)
11. We Can Work It Out
21. And Your Bird Can Sing
28. Day Tripper
51. Drive My Car
135. I’m Only Sleeping
154. Doctor Robert
163. Yesterday
179. If I Needed Someone
195. Act Naturally
202. What Goes On

Revolver (1966)
22. Tomorrow Never Knows
24. I Want To Tell You
26. Here, There, And Everywhere
35. Good Day Sunshine
36. Got To Get You Into My Life
45. For No One
76. She Said She Said
82. Taxman
86. Love You To
95. Eleanor Rigby
160. Yellow Submarine

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Heart (1967)
20. A Day In The Life
40. Lovely Rita
47. Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite
52. Good Morning, Good Morning
75. Getting Better
91. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)
92. Within You Without You
96. Fixing A Hole
133. When I’m Sixty-Four
143. She’s Leaving Home
146. With A Little Help From My Friends
158. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
159. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

Magical Mystery Tour (1967)
2. Strawberry Fields Forever
31. I Am The Walrus
42. Hello Goodbye
48. All You Need Is Love
63. Penny Lane
71. Your Mother Should Know
118. Baby You’re A Rich Man
181. Blue Jay Way
206. The Fool On The Hill
207. Magical Mystery Tour
212. Flying

White Album (1968)
3. Helter Skelter
4. Dear Prudence
12. Revolution
14. Back In The USSR
15. Happiness Is A Warm Gun
18. Cry Baby Cry
27. Julia
29. While My Guitar Gently Weep
32. Yer Blues
53. I Will
55. Sexy Sadie
56. Glass Onion
59. Birthday
62. Everybody’s Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Monkey
64. Savoy Truffle
78. Blackbird
83. I’m So Tired
88. The Continuing Story Of Bungalow Bill
94. Honey Pie
99. Why Don’t We Do It In the Road
102. Piggies
103. Mother Nature’s Son
111. Martha My Dear
112. Rocky Raccoon
117. Revolution #9
120. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da
134. Don’t Pass Me By
144. Long, Long, Long
186. Good Night
197. Wild Honey Pie

Yellow Submarine (1969)
60. Hey Bulldog
81. All Together Now
182. Only A Northern Song
201. It’s All Too Much

Abbey Road (1969)
9. I Want You (She’s So Heavy)
16. Come Together
37. Here Comes The Sun
46. The End
50. Something
77. Golden Slumbers
80. You Never Give Me Your Money
84. Carry That Weight
87. Oh! Darling
100. Because
131. Her Majesty
132. Polythene Pam
147. Sun King
150. Maxwell’s Silver Hammer
155. Mean Mr Mustard
156. Octopus’s Garden
180. She Came In Through The Bathroom Window

Hey Jude (1970)
1. Hey Jude
5. Revolution
7. Can’t Buy Me Love
10. Lady Madonna
13. The Ballad Of John And Yoko
17. Old Brown Shoe
33. Rain
125. Paperback Writer

Let It Be (1970)
30. Don’t Let Me Down
34. For You Blue
39. I Me Mine
58. Two Of Us
69. Dig A Pony
113. Across The Universe
114. One After 909
121. I’ve Got A Feeling
139. Maggie Mae
166. Get Back
184. Dig It
188. Let It Be
205. The Long And Winding Road

Single tracks
25. I’m Down
43. You Know My Name (Look Up The Number)
65. Real Love
72. What’s The New Mary Jane
107. Free As A Bird
116. There’s A Place
126. The Inner Light
161. If You’ve Got Trouble
167. Christmas Time (Is Here Again)
170. From Me To You






Will Durst’s historic joke

UncleWill-Durst-cropI need to see Will Durst again.

The “modern-day Mort Sahl or Will Rogers” came into my life in the early 1980s. (That, by the way, is a wonderful yet horrible description of his style. We will get into that later.)
I can date my Durst experience to the early 1980s because he told a great joke about Reagan’s skin flapping in the breeze. (The joke was solid enough for Greg Proops to repeat it on his podcast 30 years later. It played with people who remembered the origin of Proops’ reference. Which is to say it played solid to me.) It was in one of those 1980s appearances that the reason for me wanting to see Durst again arises.

The setup is a deep-south Texan is on the campus of Harvard, and asks a passerby, “‘Scuse me, can y’all tell me where the library is at?” The native responds, “Here at Hah-vahd, we don’t end our sentences with prepositions.” The Texan considers, then says, “All right — can y’all tell me where the library is at, ASSHOLE?”

A co-worker was criticized on social media for what the critic perceived as a grammatical error. Technically, and in a specific period of historical time, that critic was precisely correct. But the language has evolved and is evolving to allow the use in the fashion my co-worker used. It looks like shorthand to older viewers, but younger people understand (generally) that while the language is not perfect, the point gets across, and only that matters.

(That’s the logic I tried to use in math and bookkeeping classes when I was in high school. I didn’t realize the classes weren’t about getting the right answer. The instruction in the classes was about learning the language of how the problems are solved.)

I told my co-worker the Will Durst story above, and got a laugh.

The first time I saw Durst compared to Mort Sahl and Will Rogers, I thought, “Well no, that’s not right.” I didn’t (and don’t) even think it’s fair to mention Sahl and Rogers in the same sentence. The similarity between the two, it seems to me, is that they make jokes about politics and politicians. But Sahl couldn’t approach the popularity Rogers enjoyed in his time. And Rogers’ populism precluded him from being as blunt at Sahl, even if his era would have accepted it, which it probably wouldn’t have. They were both almost certainly best enjoyed in their own times, and if we weren’t there we wouldn’t be able to understand it.

I think I made an impression on Durst when we first talked, a telephone interview. My first question was, “Why are you playing this place?” It wasn’t a condemnation of the venue, which I enjoy and to this day go a couple of times a year. It was a statement of where I saw him on the pecking order of club comedians.

I’d like to tell him about repeating his decades-old joke to my co-worker. Will Durst wrote a joke that was still alive 35 years later. That’s some George S. Kauffman shit right there.
Or, yes, Will Rogers.

(You may have noticed that this wasn’t about music. I’m expanding the reach of this a little bit. I don’t know if it will work or how long it will last. But I’m planning to write both music and comedy here for a while as I step back into it. I hope you feel like coming along for the ride even if you’re not wholly interested in both.)


‘Roy Rogers’

When I first started listening to the “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” album (No. 57), I was still at the point where every song was a true song about something.

Sure, maybe I didn’t know what was true about “Strawberry Fields Forever,” but at least I knew that there was a real place called Strawberry Fields, and I could justify the thought that maybe the rest of the song was a puzzle that I had yet to unlock.

I knew that “Puff the Magic Dragon” was about drugs, for crying out loud.

(For the record, I don’t know whether I agree with the assertion. But I am amused by the existence of the assertion.)

And not every song HAD TO be a true song. I understood the role of fantasy in music, whether in a musical or a fantasy song. An example of how this logic fit in my world at the time: “Eleanor Rigby” was real, or it could be, or it was real enough. “Rocket Man” is clearly science fiction.

I know I thought the song “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” was Elton John’s kiss-off to the music industry, and I made the mistake of saying that to a few people (who didn’t call me on it, nor did they make any kind of noise when it was shown how wholly wrong I was).

The “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” album helped form a lot of my sensibilities about epic efforts. By that time, I was already aware of things like “Fragile” (No. 25), “Led Zeppelin IV” (No. 11), “Machine Head” (No. 16) and even “Dark Side of the Moon” (No. 13). But those struck me as works someone else had determined were epic. Yes, Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd were my elders, not my peers. (Which is curious, because they were only a few years older than Elton John, whom I considered “mine.”)

Alice Cooper was another group I considered “mine.” (Again, for whatever inexplicable reason. If I figure it out, I promise I’ll write an explanation later.) “Billion Dollar Babies” (No. 33) also shaped my frame for epic albums.

A friend whose taste in music I always respected but often didn’t understand raved about the song “Roy Rogers” from the final side of “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.” To me, the song always stopped the album. I came to use it as breathing space setting the stage for the finale. But I never cared for the song.

(In fact, I just now went to play the song, and it’s not on my 5,400-song “long faves” list. There were 54 other Elton John songs.)

I attributed part of it to my friend’s fascination with and fandom and appreciation of Rogers. He was part of that kid-cowboy culture that had faded in the few years of difference between our childhoods. Sure, I had a brief cowboy period, but by the time I was making up my own mind about my career fantasies, I was either a ballplayer or a musician. My cowboy period was barely shorter than my astronaut period, which was brought to an abrupt halt as soon as I realized how smart and well-conditioned those guys had to be, and I was never going to be either.

“Roy Rogers” infuriated me. Ponderously paced, in 6/8 time, with a weepingly annoying steel guitar, and its outright sincerity with such a bullshit sentiment – furious. “No way,” I’d mutter angrily at the Elton John poster on my wall, “do you actually believe you want to go back to that time that never existed in the first place, and live there instead of here. No way. You’re not that stupid.”

And maybe it’s the waves of nostalgia I’m finally feeling (or the waves being shoved down my senses in a multi-media and multi-platform attack), or maybe it’s acquiring enough experience to see another possibility for the song.

Maybe it was Elton John’s vision of what someone else’s reverie would be like. Perhaps lyricist Bernie Taupin was painting a story about his parents, or himself if he’d decided to let his thoughts go fully in that yearningly nostalgic direction.

But it didn’t HAVE TO be true. That doesn’t mean it isn’t true, or that there isn’t truth in it. It just doesn’t have to be true of writer and singer. Not every piece someone writes is achingly self-confessional.

My friend was also right about the quality of Elvis Costello’s “Town Cryer.” But that’s another story.

Once he was the King of Spain

Moxy Fruvous was a tight little band, and many of their recordings are top-notch, and should always be among my favorites.

There’s been a lot of conflict over the last 18 months, though. And it points to a more widespread problem.

I was introduced to Fruvous (the fans’ shorthand – it honestly feels awkward to refer to them by their full name) with the release of “You Will Go To the Moon,” provided for me via cassette by my friend Tom Weber, who by that time had been mailing me the gift of music via tape for a decade. He is responsible for being first to hand me Adam Schmitt’s “World So Bright” (No. 2 on The Big List). For as much as I appreciated Tom sharing, neither of us could have guessed what would happen in the next three years.

Tom was a club-goer with me in Minnesota. We weren’t out nightly, weekly, or even monthly. We both had jobs and responsibilities, and we lived about 75 miles from the club most directly aimed at our tastes. I don’t think Tom ever saw a show at Minneapolis’ Sam’s, or Uncle Sam’s. I’m not even positive which name the place had the first time I saw a show there, Squeeze, in 1981. “Sam’s” and “Uncle Sam’s” seemed interchangable. But I was a mere downstater, an ourlier.

The place was called First Avenue when we saw Husker Du and Peter Case there right after “Warehouse” came out. We brought Greg Gilman with us to that show, and between a long day of work, Peter Case just playing acoustically, and Husker Du deciding to play “Warehouse” start to finish, and that was it, Greg fell asleep.

And Tom and I were there twice for Robyn Hitchcock. (If Tom had liked Shriekback, we’d have more First Avenue memories.) I saw some other great shows at First Avenue. In fact, about every one was fantastic, as long as I could ignore C.S. Angels, whose extended conclusion of one song found me yelling at the stage, “Who do these guys think they are, Uriah Heep?” Oh, and ignore the band Breaking Circus, although they had one song with the beautifully memorable line, “I feel like a piece of burnt toast on a wire.”

(I turned to my brother-in-law and said, “Did he just say he felt like a piece of burnt toast on a wire?”)

(I know, I know – I’ve told that story before. Sue me.)

I was immediately taken with “You Will Go To the Moon.” What was not to like? It starts with “Michigan Militia,” which appropriates the lick from “Last Train to Clarksville,” plays it on a banjo, and frames lyrics about a group of proud yet self-aware survivalists. Sing partially through a megaphone. And it’s funny, so long as you can chuckle at lines like “in a couple of days, we’ll be free or we’ll be dead” and “now they got us on TV, makin’ us look stupid.” (It turned more delicious live, when singer Mike Ford would occasionally deliver lines in William Shatner’s voice.)

Then there was the Beatles-alike “Get in the Car,” the left-wing hilarity of “Your New Boyfriend” (whose next words were “a bit of a right-wing shit”), the pot anthem “Boo Time,” and the irresistible “Kick in the Ass,” which just lists people who deserve to be, well, kicked in the ass.

The album was No. 3 on my year-end list in 1997.  And then I saw them in person.

They played Decatur Celebration, a street festival that at the time offered nostalgia bands that aspired to the state fair level of bands, and also some weird things that might or might not be worth your time. I had no idea of Fruvous’ live reputation. For all I realized at the time, I had been listening to their debut album. I sat through as much as I could of an insulting phoned-in performance by Chuck Negron, formerly of Three Dog Night, and pondered whether I even wanted to go see Moxy Fruvous, so annoyed was I by Negron’s performance.

But Fruvous caught my attention right away. By halfway through their set, I wandered near the stage, and before long found myself at the front. These four talented guys were smart lyrically, musically, and theatrically. I was fascinated. I stayed after the show to buy a CD and make sure I talked to every member of the band. It was such an experience that I remember the t-shirt I was wearing. One of the band members asked me about it (a St. Paul Saints logo shirt), and we spent a couple of minutes discussion independent professional baseball in the United States.

I was intrigued enough to do some more research, and I found a thriving online community. “Fruheads” were people who’d travel show to show, and rush to report show info to the rest of the community. Fortunately for me, the band had enough of a following that they could draw reasonable crowds in any number of nearby cities.

I wound up attending Fruvous shows in Decatur, Champaign, St. Louis, Chicago, Bloomington (Ind.), West Lafayette, Milwaukee, Madison and their hometown of Toronto. I was in Canada to attend “FruCon,” an organized gathering of fans. I was stunned to see the band show up and offer us a short set.

By the end of 1998, I’d attended more Moxy Fruvous club shows than the total number of club shows I’d attended the previous 10 years combined. I saw them 28 times in a three-year stretch. They only played one song at every show: “Michigan Militia.” They did great originals. They did fun covers. (At the second show I saw, they had a stage sound malfunction, and almost without hesitation went into The Beatles’ “Please Please Me.” They explained that the immediate move when something goes wrong on stage is to go into a Beatles song. That fixes everything. I don’t know whether I saw the first time they put the theory into practice, but I know I saw them do it again.) And they did brilliant medleys. Fans will remember the “Dancing Queen” medley (although I’m certain there was a more clever name for it) of “Dancing Queen,” “Walk on the Wild Side” and “Angel of Harlem.” (Puts a whole new spin on ABBA, doesn’t it?) “Billie Jian” (“Jian” is Fruvous’ drummer, and the main reason we’re here at this point, but we’re getting to that part) mashed “Billie Jean,” “Lovefool” and “A Message to You, Rudy.” They based bizarre medleys around “Signed Sealed and Delivered” and “Love Potion No. 9.”

And they had a relationship with their fans. I’ve seen more of it since, but I’d never seen anything like that previously. I shouldn’t have been surprised, I suppose, but when I joined the group of fans the band acknowledged by name, I at once thought “This is kinda cool” and “Maybe I need to cut back on the travel.”

They were terribly likeable, terribly talented, terribly clever and terribly friendly.

People would ask me where to start with listening to Fruvous. I’d generally tell them to start with “Bargainville,” especially if the person had seen the band perform. “Bargainville” always figured largely in their shows, and with good reason. I’ve always thought “King of Spain” is a natural entry point for the band’s style and antics. “My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors” is short, catchy and clever. “The Lazy Boy” is, I believe, the only pop song with a furniture joke. It’s at No. 299 on The Big List, and it probably should be higher.

They broke up (although they called it a “hiatus” for years) in fall 2000. The last show I saw was June of that year. I reluctantly admitted to a few people that I thought the band would break up by the end of the year.

One of the fascinating things about the fan community was the different types of people attracted. There were star-crossed young women who made moon eyes at the guys. (And who knows what else? But I can honestly say I spent a long time hanging out after a lot of shows, and anytime any of the guys escaped early, the reason could be reasonably attributed to fatigue or illness. They were never in a hurry to get away from a club that I saw.)

There were smart, independent, opinionated women who were getting something I couldn’t quite figure from the band. Smart, liberal, non-sexist men? Possibly. But were there so few of those kinds of men in the U.S. that someone in the Midwest had to rely on men from Canada traveling through to provide it? They were appreciative enough of the music that I could always converse with them.

As opposed to the first kind of women. The group I ended up in was the guys who were terribly geeky about their music, and were thrilled to find Fruvous shared the geekism. We’d compare notes about the way and reason things were played, and we’d share the information with one another. The first time I heard someone in the group refer to the moon-eyed women as “fishgirls,” I laughed at both the audacity and the accuracy. As a group, their lips seemed poised in pre-pucker. “Fishgirls” (which sounds far more cruel now than it did then, even though I don’t think many intended it as pejorative) weren’t disagreeable. They were just there for a different reason than the rest of us.

I’d occasionally check in on the band members via the Internet. The community stayed alive for a few years, but fizzled as their interest in keeping alive the memory of a dead band became tiresome. The band became, for me and any number of others, one of those pleasant memories from the 90s.

That all changed a little more than a decade later. A Facebook friend first sent me a link to a story about the first accusations against Fruvous drummer-turned-radio host Jian Ghomeshi.  It’s important to note the linked story was written a little more than a week after the story broke. Ghomeshi was being accused of unnamed inappropriate sexual acts. Ghomeshi didn’t wait for any speculation to begin. He issued a statement that made “he said/she said” a reasonable position to take.

In my miniature version of a discussion that inflamed media followers in Canada, I found myself defending Ghomeshi and the band. I wasn’t dismissing the accusations. But I wanted more than one person’s words. I wanted them backed up by other observations, other suggestions of which person was closer to telling the truth. Some convicted or exonerated the man immediately. I waited, and admittedly leaned toward the side of the celebrity who might have been guilty, but might also have been a target for malicious rumors.

Then more and more reports came out. More women making similar accusations, describing troubling similar non-consensual encounters.

My interest in college athletics decreased as I became more exposed to the underbelly of recruiting, the race to acquire slave labor with skills. My interest in the National Football League dropped as it became clear the league had covered up studies indicating the potential debilitating results of head injuries. It dropped further as players abused animals, women and their children.

You reach a line at some point. I reached mine, and was pushed well past it.

Dealing with the fallout of the Ghomeshi issues was troubling. (And he was eventually found not guilty in Canadian court.) My troubles grew as I saw stories featuring interviews with fans from the Fruvous days. I was numb when I saw an extensive set of quotes from one of the fans with whom I spent a lot of time, waiting in line outside shows, hanging out in corners of clubs, waiting for one of Fruvous’ awful opening acts to conclude their set (honestly, Susan Werner was the only opener whose talents attracted my attention), trying to figure out how to acquire tapes of shows we didn’t have.

In the story, my acquaintance essentially said he wasn’t surprised. He’d seen questionable behavior from Ghomeshi all the way back to the Fruvous touring days.

Seriously? With the fishgirls? And I’d actually spent a moment defending the guy?

I was having trouble listening to Moxy Fruvous’ music, even in those rare instances where it was coming my way. It’s easy to tell the quartet’s voices apart. Ghomeshi sings on almost every song. As he should. He had the most pleasant voice, and manipulated well within the band’s requirements. Hearing his voice, though, was making me feel about the same way I felt watching the third act of the film “Man of Steel:” Mental anguish and nausea.

Yet if you’re going to apply moral judgment, you need to show some consistency if you’re any kind of person at all, right? Personal heroes Frank Zappa and John Lennon didn’t exactly set examples for the world to follow in their personal (and some of their professional) relationships.

And all I can say about that is I’m working to separate the art from the artist/individual, as much as I don’t like to do that.

I don’t like to apologize for liking art. There’s enough of it that doesn’t touch me at all that I want to embrace the stuff that does.

I’m just learning to acknowledge the flaws while I listen to “King of Spain.”

It’s quite a good song, you know.

That time I pissed off people over Kurt Cobain

I’m not sure I’d write the same thing now. And I’m not certain I was correct.
But after Kurt Cobain killed himself, as I consumed the grief-filled reaction, I wrote a piece the Decatur Herald & Review was kind enough to run. (At the time, I was in my sixth year as a sports copy editor. My co-workers knew of my passion for music, but that didn’t mean they had to publish my little 350-word plea.)

Boy, hearing Kurt Cobain’s voice for the first time was really special.

Like most music fans, my first experience with Cobain and Nirvana was late one night on MTV, watching and listening to the outrageous video for “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”

“This is pretty entertaining,” I thought. “But these guys will never see the light of day. They’re too dangerous for America.”

Three years and millions of albums and one moronic decision later, Kurt Cobain and Nirvana are dead, and a new generation has its first rock music martyr.

Please, don’t fall for it. Sometime last week, Cobain was the ultimate coward, putting a shotgun to his head and pulling the trigger. It doesn’t make him a hero. It doesn’t mean he’ll live forever.

The music will always be there. There will always be the irony of the title of the band’s final release, “I Hate Myself and Want to Die.” And there will henceforth be a number of us who choke up just a little bit when we hear Cobain sing, “And I swear I don’t have a gun.”

But please, don’t canonize the guy. There’s nothing romantic about killing yourself. After killing yourself, there’s nothing. Sure, Cobain was the center of attention in our channel-surfing universe for about a day, but after that, we all moved on to other things.

Foolishly, each generation has had its heroes who have become bigger than life for doing themselves in. If Cobain’s contemporaries want to prove they’re truly different and better than those who went before, they’ll reject placing the man on an altar next to Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Keith Moon, Janis Joplin, Sid Vicious (insert your favorite here).

Kurt Cobain was a talented and troubled man. He had what many thought should have been enough to make him happy -fame, recognition and money. It obviously wasn’t what he needed.

Perhaps the most fitting eulogy for Cobain would be to acknowledge that as a songwriter and singer, he had few peers. He was just a lousy human being, and the last thing he did proved that.

Pointed? Certainly. A little harsh? Possibly. As I read it now, 22 years later, would I change anything? No. I might not write it the same way now, but dammit, I was mad at Cobain. (I was also mad at all of the little shitheads on Prodigy bulletin boards with whom I was debating Cobain’s final gesture.)

(You read that right. Prodigy. I didn’t have a Compuserve account, but I knew people who did. And I remember having to pay for individual e-mails when I sent or received them from “The Internet.”)

The next day, I received a call from an adult female reader who criticized what I wrote. She told me she was disgusted, and it was the worst thing she’d ever read, because it was so depressing.

I thanked her. She demanded to know why I thanked her.

“A man committed suicide,” I said, “and you’re more depressed because of something I wrote. That makes me a pretty good writer.”

That wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

A week later, the paper ran a teenager’s response to my thoughts:

I am writing to you in regards to Tim Cain’s article last Thursday on the death of Nirvana ’s Kurt Cobain.

I don’t believe that you should criticize someone the way Cain did.

I know that it wasn’t smart of Cobain to kill himself, but I don’t think that Cain should have said “he was a lousy human being.”

Neither Cain or anyone else should say that about someone. Cobain might not have been the smartest or bravest person, but you shouldn’t say he was “the ultimate coward.”

I may only be 14, but at least I have respect for others -dead or alive.

Scott Dillman is a freshman at MacArthur High School in Decatur. He’s been a Nirvana fan for about three years and also enjoys music by the Doors, Ozzy Osbourne, Led Zeppelin and Nazareth.

Maybe Scott was right. He’s certainly entitled to his opinion, in either case.

But seriously? He enjoys music by Nazareth? I thought I was the only one who admitted that.

Magical Hooverphonic Tour

Things started, innocently enough, as my friend quoted a line from the book and film “It.”

The line was “We all float down here.”

I know a lot of you just had some kind of reaction to reading that quote, whatever that reaction might have been. The point is I don’t have that reaction. “It” is not in my cultural memory bank. I never read the book, never saw the film, don’t know much more than what people have told me. That’s generally enough for me to sneak through conversations, but once in a while somebody throws out something that really spotlights my ignorance of “It.”

When my friend said the line, I flashed on the Hooverphonic song “We All Float.” I’ve always found it to be a fascinating turn of a phrase, and thought it might have been original to the band. It’s also one of my favorite songs by the band lyrically.

Give it a listen.

Halfway through, my friend suggested it sounded like a Beatles song. She imagined John Lennon taking the vocal lead (“She (Geike Arnaert) even sounds like Lennon here,” my friend said. She envisioned the guitar as a sitar line played by George. (As she was mentioning it, I was imagining it as a Harrison slide lead.

The drumming is already Ringo Starr-style: simple, straightforward, and funky enough to not generic. The bass is already somewhat busy, and I can easily imagine Paul McCartney making it more melodically busy.

For about five seconds at the :57 mark, you hear a backwards guitar, or some time of artificial sound that sounds like a backward guitar.

And the part of the song that dominates for me (it’s certainly repeated enough for the words to lock in) is:

“Mountains make the sun arise
Your rainbow colored eyes can change the tide”

Very 1960s. Even the way the orchestra eventually works in, the way The Beatles put strings on the codas of “All You Need is Love” and “Hey Jude.” It all combines for me as a song that could replace “Flying” on the “Magical Mystery Tour” album. (Or even the title track. What do I care? It’s a better title than song.)

And the lyrics are ones that mean things to people only if they understand a certain frame of mind:

“Multicoloured lanes of trees mesmerising stories about us”
“Deserted squares and lonesome trees, the wind revealing stories about us”

And the final verse:

“The river telling stories about us, writing words in water full of lust
Yellow purple green or blue, drip by drip revealing things on you”

I have to think if John Lennon heard that line in 1967, he’d have found a way to work it into “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.”

All I want is a perfect jukebox

All my life, I’ve dreamed of having my music at my disposal. When I want to hear something, I want to hear it NOW. Not after thumbing through vinyl or cassettes or CDs and doing what had to be done to get that music in my ears.

It’s why mix tapes meant so much to me. It’s why each step of the evolution of how music is delivered to listeners has been a stop toward the better for me. I thought CDs were the ultimate, until I started to learn about Winamp and playlists and MP3s and the ability to break up an album into the pieces I really wanted.


Acquiring a jukebox, one of my bucket list items, to be able to play my vinyl 45s, became a desire I could dismiss. (And just as well, given the experiences described to me by people who attempt to maintain a jukebox and keep it operational.) With MP3 players, I wasn’t limited to 200 two-sided records.

That’s part of what makes The Big List so special, and I really treasure that I have close to 150 albums in my life that I consider “perfect,” or very close to perfect. There are thousands of songs I love, but for that relative handful of albums to have meant so much to me for so long is spectacular.

What’s even more spectacular, though, is the system I have for playback now. I’m not fully there yet. I suspect I may never be. But I currently have close to 6,000 songs in a huge master playlist, and it’s a joy. I can listen to full albums at one time, but I can also set random play and even though I don’t know what’s coming next, I know I’m going to enjoy it.

(When I had my online radio station, it was from this list of songs that I’d relay music for the station. I said each song was the perfect antidote to the previous one. I find that invariably to be true.)

But the system still has flaws that need to be corrected. Today, there were two instances where I wanted to hear a specific song, and it wasn’t on the playlist, and I (a little angry with myself) scrambled to get those songs in a place where I could easily access them for listening purposes.

It’s a more ideal situation that I’ve ever had.

So I couldn’t have been much more bemused with myself today after filling my car with gas. There was piped in music playing, something I generally ignore, because the songs are not to my taste.

But Heart’s “Dog and Butterfly” came on just as I finished. There wasn’t a crowd at the station – mine was the only car parked at any of the 16 pumps. So I went back and sat in the car, rolled down the widow, smiled and listened for five minutes.

Like my late, lamented Internet radio station, like your best Pandora or Spotify playlists, sometimes the best thing about music is allowing someone else to make the choices for you.


‘I Want You Back (Alive)’

My introduction to that strange Midwest celebration of air guitar as art came at a time when I wasn’t sure what kind of musical path I wanted to follow.

I wish I could say the air guitar competition I observed at Uncle Sam’s in Minneapolis on July 23, 1981, helped me settle that decision at all. What it did, however, was show me how much diversity I wanted out of my music, and that variety was on display throughout the evening.

I was at the club to see Squeeze. The world was changing. John Lennon was murdered in December 1980, and I wasn’t sure I could enjoy music at all anymore. Six weeks after Lennon’s murder – and it seemed far longer than that, like maybe forever – I saw Elvis Costello in concert for the first time. Squeeze was the opening act. The extent of my knowledge about Squeeze at the time was they had a name I made fun of regularly.

A couple of friends owned a record store in Rochester, Minn., and were far more aware of the music scene exploding around them than I was. (The first time I was aware of The Replacements was seeing the autographed copy of “Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash” that they displayed at the front of the store.) My thrill was them bringing in hundreds of import albums, and hundred of used albums with a variety I’d never imagined.

(In fact, I worked briefly at the store. When the part-time hours proved too difficult for me to manage along with my full-time work, I announced my decision to leave the record store. Because I had liberally taken advantage of the employee discount buying records, I had to work without pay for three weeks just so we’d be even.)

Lennon was murdered on a Monday, and I lived in a fog for the rest of the week. On the Saturday of that week, I wandered into the record store. My friends were at the front counter on the phone, and I waved and started my walk through the store.

Immediately, they were on either side of me, walking with my as I found my way to the new releases area. “You OK, buddy?” one asked. “You all right, Tim?” the other asked. “We were just trying to call you.”

They were worried about how I was handling the news, certainly because the first reason they were aware of me was as the long-haired guy who bought all the Beatles imports.

Their obvious concern for my well-being was touching. And they followed through with more a week later.

They were as aware of my worship of Elvis Costello as they were of my Beatles passion. Costello was going to play a Minneapolis theater in a few weeks time. We, they pronounced, were all going to go.

I wasn’t sure what the make of the idea. More than a year previous, I’d decided live shows were to programmed for me. I sat through an arena show where the opening act played exactly 45 minutes, and after exactly 30 minutes, the headliner played for exactly 90. The performances were fine. But the method seemed too constricting, and I thought if that’s what it had all turned into, I wasn’t so interested anymore.

I agreed, though. I knew enough about Costello by that time to know that his concerts could be kind of dangerous. I’d read about 30-minute sets with every song played double time, I was aware of a man who seemed to have a contempt for a portion of his audience, and his music felt wildly dangerous. I didn’t know what I was going to see, but I was fairly certain it wasn’t going to be 45 minutes of an opening act, 30 minutes of switchover time, and 90 minutes of headliner.

And Squeeze was the opening act. My record store friends were convinced I’d love the band. They were right, of course, but they had to shove vinyl into my hands and demand I listen to convince me.

squeezeFortunately, this was at a time when record companies were doing crazy things to get the attention of customers. My friends pointed me toward the oddly-named “6 Squeeze Songs Crammed Into One Ten-Inch Record.” It was in the odd 10-inch format, had an odd die-cut cover, and (probably most important) was available at a discount price. It was enough of a taste to get me interested in the ban. But it wasn’t until seeing their phenomenal stage show that I became a convert.

Obviously, that show helped convince me music and I could still have a relationship. And that’s what brought me to Uncle Sam’s six months later to see Squeeze again.

But before Squeeze came on was one of the lead-ups, an air guitar contest. I thought this was an odd one-off until a few years later, when I became friends with someone who led a group that had success competing in these for a while at the same period of time.

It was brilliant. My friend and his mates cut their “instruments” out of cardboard, but there were dozens of other ways to equip your band. At the Squeeze show, two guys my age “strummed” tennis rackets and mimed to The Clash’s “White Riot,” shoving each other away from their unwired microphone as they alternated lines. Another guy used a broomstick and dervished his way through The Clash’s “Big Black Cadillac,” punctuating his performance by running at a dead sprint from the back of the stage and leaping down to the club’s dance floor, landing perfectly and never missing a beat.

More than Clash songs were mimed. Four comically clean-cut and identically dressed individuals sashayed onto the stage holding hairbrushes for microphones and miming Manhattan Transfer’s “Operator.” (Pretty well, too, actually.) To show what an accepting group was attending the show, they received applause. And more important, the act that won the competition performed an even more unlikely tune: AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long.”

I’d been trained to think that Squeeze was punk/New Wave. (They seemed the same to me at the time, and included The Knack, Costello, Tom Petty, Dire Straits, Blondie, Squeeze, and many more about which I was clearly confused. Essentially I’d arrived at the conclusion that if they were new and I liked them, they were New Wave.) And punks and New Wavers hated that stupid metal shit. And Led Zeppelin and The Eagles and Pink Floyd.

The problem was, while I wasn’t really nuts about AC/DC at the time, I really liked Led Zeppelin and The Eagles and Pink Floyd and some of the other stupid metal shit. I was not only surprised to see some guys get up on stage and make us listen to AC/DC, I was taken aback to see they appeared to be enjoying themselves, and so did the audience.

Again, we had tennis rackets, and no real attempt to resemble the actual band in any way. The “drummer” sat with a plastic bucket between his legs and pretended to whomp on it. To complete the ridiculous nature of what we were seeing, he wore a mop on his head. Literally. A mop.

It was a delightful hour or so. I was taken by the fun people were having onstage and in the audience. And while most acts didn’t try to look like the acts whose song they were miming, I appreciated the effort of the Manhattan Transfer people.

And one other one, the band I thought should have won. The only thing I heard when they were introduced was “Graham Parker and The Rumour.” I was suddenly interested, following a couple of mediocre efforts. I looked up and saw … Graham Parker and The Rumour. They looked exactly like every photo I’d seen of the band.


And the music started, something I didn’t recognize. I slowly realized it was “I Want You Back,” which I only knew as a Jackson Five song. I didn’t know Graham Parker had ever recorded it. And I didn’t know he’d recorded it so well. And the guys doing the miming were perfect.

They didn’t win. But I did. I was eventually able to find Parker’s recordings of the song (live and studio), not an easy task in those pre-Internet days, where I struggled to figure out performers’ discographies and origins. (Who the hell were Ducks Deluxe, anyway? Took me a while to even find a bootleg live recording.)

I love the Jackson Five’s “I Want You Back.” But the version I hear in my head is always Graham Parker’s.

(I don’t do it much anymore, but there was a time when my go-to karaoke song was “I Want You Back.” But I was never paying tribute to Michael Jackson. It was always Graham Parker.)